When did we become illiterate bastards?

Today is the start of the new semester down at the Gulag Archipelago Chadron State College. Since I've got $200 $100 $50 dick for funds, I'm not buying any textbooks. I mean, I love books, don't get me wrong... but I can't afford them, especially since they're raising the prices so damn much and charging less for the same books overseas. And I'm not asking for the government to "fix" their price-gouging, either-when nobody's buying new editions and Adam Smith's invisible hand donkeypunches them, they'll make books cheaper. But yeah... at least for this semester, when I'm handling subjects I have a firm grasp on (American Government, the Civil War, History of Political Thought), I can do without buying them. I borrow them instead.

But this leads me to my next point... and the question asked by the title of this post: WHEN DID WE BECOME ILLITERATE BASTARDS? Seriously, kids. That complete and total piece off to your right is my American Government textbook this semester. I've read two-and-a-half chapters into it and it blows. For one thing, it doesn't even pretend to be neutral-aren't textbooks supposed to be neutral? No, this one is all about "weh weh weh weh democracy is teh r0xx0rz fuck liberty majority r00lz ur ass y0." I mean, democracy is great and all but a good textbook presents the facts-and that's it. Textbooks aren't supposed to take sides, they're not supposed to indoctrinate people. The fact that this can go on-and my tax dollars via the public education system can indirectly support it-is preposterous.

But why is this happening? Does the government want to turn college students into flag-waving muppets patriotic citizens supporting "democracy" and not liberty? The paranoid tinfoil hat-wearing part of me says "yes" but there's more to it all. Apparently the textbook industry, in its rush to bribe education czars, just got really fucking lazy about "facts" and "objectivity". Not only that, but in their quest to dominate the market they've dumbed shit down. They want books that look "cool" and "hip" to the average college student, not books that actually, you know, HAVE ANYTHING TO FUCKING DO WITH FUCKING LEARNING A FUCKING SINGLE THING. FUCK. If college "bores" you puerile little shits, save your money and make me a motherfucking Big Mac.

College is where people who want to learn go to do so. We don't need fun little interactive CDs, or special little tests of our knowledge, or online writing assignments, or all that other flashy hand-holding shit that coddles the stupid and justifies a higher cost of textbooks. Give me a book with a lot of big words in it, a Blue Book and a pen and shut the fuck up, underachiever. When I write your paychecks in ten years, you'll wish you'd done the same.

So here's a fun fact for you, kiddos: The Japanese are gonna eat you dumbfucks alive. Fuck.